VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
