Whod you bang
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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