Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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