there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Boobs are out for the taking
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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