Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
