If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
