I cannot find my penis.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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