So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
