Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
