i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
