so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize