just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
