is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
