ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
