he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
