You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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