If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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