fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
do nipples grow back?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
