someone get that fucking seahorse.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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