yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
