If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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