i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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