Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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