Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
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We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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