Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
