I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
