At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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