i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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