I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
In America we eat man semen.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
