I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
