Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
