I look better un-naked...
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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