planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
