Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
