i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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