You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
