you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
there is puke in my bra ... again
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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