i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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