I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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