With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
