Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
