I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
