my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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