Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
