It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize