i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
