Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
