hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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