Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
