So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
