so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You need a sexual gate keeper
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
