I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
