I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
