Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
