He told me they were just razor bumps!
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
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Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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