He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
