Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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