the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
