i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize