I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
