All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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