We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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