i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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