So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
