im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
