I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
