well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
now i know why i became what i already was.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
