if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
