sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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