So drunk, too bad you don't want this
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
