Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
try to milk me bitch
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